Gambits #3

The Deep Bubbly Goodbye

Approximately two dozen people are killed every year by champagne corks. Most at weddings.

There’s everything from legacy money to life insurance mixed up in there with greed, jealousy, revenge and conspiracy.

I’d hate to see Korbel’s liability premiums.

Published by

Phil Huston

7 thoughts on “Gambits #3”

  1. Death by cork at a wedding is just too good to pass up. My brain is too limited to think of such an ingenious way to off somebody. With modern logic, we should make weddings illegal to avoid such calamity.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Right. The PC thing to do would be to post signage about the dangers and have every guest sign a waiver or be escorted to a safe zone while champagne was opened. Notice there were no facts on DUI deaths after weddings where champagne was served.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Oh my! You are right. The secondary and tertiary impacts of cork popping are hard to quantify in ways mere mouth breathing mortals can fathom. I suspect we may need to use screw caps with tethers and reduce the bottle size to 150 ml. Also, it might be good for the economy to develop a cottage industry of wedding safety signage and gadgetry. My nerdy self is keenly interested in the terminal ballistics of corks. I might be able to develop weaponized champagne for modern battlefields. First, there is a volley of corks, then some serious merrymaking. 🤔

        Liked by 1 person

      2. On the count of three, fire the corks! Then over the top, boys! No sampling until clinking distance from the enemy or until you see the red in his eyes!

        Liked by 2 people

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