Gambits #10

If I Were A Procedural Writer – This One is as Perfect as They Come

Set up for Dick Derringer, Private Eye – A woman, naked from the waist down, falls 9 stories out of an apartment window. So does a television. Both are dead. Investigators do a perfunctory inquisition. Satisfied it’s accidental or suicide they walk away. Bruising on the body is from the fall or the TV landing on her. Doesn’t matter, she landed head first. Splat.

Next – Attractive woman, well dressed, composed (or wild haired wild eyed young woman in sweatshirt with too-long sleeves) walks into Dick’s office. “It wasn’t an accident, it wasn’t suicide. Find out what happened.” Dick, the consummate formula PI is always looking for opportunities to 1) get laid, 2) embarrass the cops, 3) strong arm some smart asses, takes the case.

The assignment – What really happened?

Next installment, the real answer. Lets hear it from you plotters out there.

Published by

Phil Huston

13 thoughts on “Gambits #10”

  1. I assume we’re to believe the TV is an old job, leaded glass, 40 pounds?

    The Soaps are on. Lenny sips his fourth beer of the day, points at the TV and says, “Lois, don’t tell me Tony is the chick’s baby-daddy. Lois? Where the fuck are you?”
    “I’m busy.”
    “Busy doin’ what? Member I said your tits were better lookin’ that Barbara’s. Well, there’s Barbara, slappin’ Tony with a towel, ‘fetch me another drink, Tonisimo'”
    The crack of an ice tray being loosened interrupts Lenny.
    “Lois, come out here and let’s compare tits. I tell ya, yours is bigger… Lois?”
    Lois enters, an aluminum levered ice tray dangles from her hand. “What!?”
    “Back up next to the TV. Now take off your shirt.”
    “Fuck you, Lenny.”
    “Just do it, chappy-cheeks.”
    “Take it off.”
    Lois unbuttons her blouse, bra-less, she stands there the lever is now ice-glued to her hand. “There, happy?”
    “Hold on, Barbara has to come back from commercial.”
    “Fuck this.”
    “Stay, gottdamn, there, will ya?”
    Lenny sloughs of the couch and heads for her. He slips on an ice cube that had fallen out of the tray. He careens straight into the TV, knocking it against the window. Crack goes the glass. It begins to fall through.
    “Lenny, no!”
    Lois grabs at Lenny with the hand holding the tray. It smacks him the face, enraging him. With a roundhouse left, he hits her back. The TV leans and falls, Lois falls after it, screaming, flailing the ice tray, her blouse stripped off by the air streaming by.
    Lenny sits back down on the couch and sighs.
    “Now I’ll never know.”

    Liked by 3 people

      1. Depends on whether you want to make it a Colombo/Murder She Baked or a hard boiled shamus. Even a medium boil like Cain but then we’d need her life story.


    1. In that case we ditch the detective for a hapless male or female photo journalist stringer sidekick of an interested party with the same concerns and instead of kicking ass gets ass kicked by those with something to hide, and we can involve hallucinogenic frog excretions, random cross dressing real estate salesmen and a Cuban party planner with three passports and an affinity for gluten free snickerdoodles. I like it.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Yes! Definitely this! Or this also sounds like a far out Midsomer Murders mystery. Where’s Anthony Horowitz?

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Barnaby would escape an experimental dinner dish to find Jones and the Doctor scratching their heads talking about parachute accidents. “That’s good, Jones,” Tom leaned on the top of the jag, tapped his key fob, raised his eyebrows. “But where are her knickers, eh?”

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Yes! I love Tom Barnaby as played by John Nettles. They’re hardly hard boiled police procedurals but i find them fun.


  2. Half naked woman is not really dead – in fact she is a blow up doll jettisoned by a bored, wild-haired rock band at the Hyatt House Hotel along with the TV just for the fun of it!


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