That MEME has so much depth and humor I’m using it again
Is this it? The crossroads of experience and time? Where race riots are in their umpteenth sequel? Where I hear my father at the dinner table saying, “Nixon and Kennedy? That’s the best we can do?” Forget politics for a minute. Let’s delve down into predictable daily human stupidity nature.
I have the Neighborhood App. It’s suggested by Ring, my video doorbell people. It’s not much more than a thinly veiled advertising outlet for roofers, plumbers, handymen and women who seem to think their drawer, closet and garage junque is considerably more valuable than it really is, and that someone might need to buy it.
The posts run the gamut from lost pets, I hate (all) the cable companies, why can’t the person at the corner of X and Y mow their damn yard and park their car elsewhere to all the ‘where are my roller skates’ and ‘I just got a Mexican dinner for 6 delivered to my porch that’s not for me’ package delivery fuckups perpetrated by USPS, Uber, UPS, FedEx, and Amazon.
And burglaries. Loose property and/or from automobiles.
That’s the crossroads. My first professional gig, unless you count cover bands in beer barns and topless bars, the occasional commercial and one-man Tangerine Dream in fern bars, was at a video studio in Houston. The first time I went in and ‘auditioned’ there was a sign the seasoned crew had hung in the control room. “Don’t Make Yourself a Victim”. It was from one of their productions, and they claimed it was there to keep them from erasing the wrong tapes, splicing the wrong voice-over, forgetting to hit record.
I got the job as audio editor, background music composer, and video shoot grunt. We made hard hat (safety) movies and promotional/in house education for Texaco, Exxon, Shell, OSHA, Neiman Marcus, Playboy, Weingartens, Safeway/TomThumb/Randalls, the heart hospital at Harris Methodist on and on…The theme of most of them was that “Victim” sign. “Don’t do dumb shit and you won’t get hurt/ripped off/fired/fooled/killed. Pay attention. Follow the rules. And if you’ve forgotten them, here they are.”
I keep my insurance licenses active, though I seldom use them. Those licenses require Continuing Ed. For years I’ve sat through online and in-person presentations by underwriters ‘splaining how you better fix this downspout or your claim will be denied, why your dog is a liability, why they hate indoor water claims and the people who file them. The biggie is always why most companies give you one theft claim every so many years, home or vehicle, or you’re out. Gone. Adios. If you have a couple of theft claims you’re not invited to renew plus no one else wants to write you. Because 99% of the time theft from automobiles is the insured’s fault, it was probably preventable, or it’s fraud. As far as insurance companies are concerned you’re a dumbass and potential liability.
To the present and the Neighborhood App. Almost every theft, because we don’t have many break-ins around here, is down to –
“Godammit, I just left my windows cracked (and the truck unlocked) and now my phone and other valuable stuff is missing”.
The girl in the apartment complex who left (and lost) her brand new MacBook sitting, visible, on the back seat of her unlocked car in the middle of the day, in an apartment parking lot.
Two employees of a local Electrician House Call biz had their phones, wallets, expensive tools, and other stuff stolen from their rolling billboard truck. Seriously, it was unlocked in major metro suburb six houses from a street that will take you all the way back to Kansas? I don’t need y’all working on my air conditioner.
In my area, we have alleys to the garages. We also have ‘bulky item pick up day’. If you don’t want something that won’t fit in the trash you can you stick it out on the driveway or up against the fence and the metal vultures or the city will haul it off. A woman put some metal plant stands at the end of her driveway, spray painted them, went inside. A few hours later she came back, they’re gone! Probably in the same pickup truck with the dead lawnmowers, lawn furniture, toilets and faded PlaySkool yard gear. Don’t leave stuff you want to keep in the “please take me” zone.
My favorite – “Never leave your child alone in the car” Amber Alert! Child in car stolen from C Store!
Talk about ‘it’s only for other people, it’s okay if I do dumb shit’. I just ran in for a minute. I mean that Victim sign should pop up out of the dash like the BANG flag from a toy gun every time you kill the ignition. Or the Alexa voice saying “Don’t do dumb shit Ms. Jones. Lock your car, take your valuables. Enjoy the rest of your Thursday!”
The unfortunate truth is crooks of opportunity are everywhere and they work 24/7. One guy used to ride his bike up and down 8 lanes wide Preston Road in North Dallas, checking out the cars parked closest to the street. He wasn’t afraid to pop the glass thirty yards from a Walgreens, grab a purse, and pedal away. Why was the purse on the front seat again? Didn’t wanna drag it around a store no bigger than a Walgreen’s?
Recap – I know this is all like saying ‘don’t text and drive’ because I know you don’t but the three people surrounding you at an intersection do so I’ll repeat it.
Don’t Make Yourself a Victim by doing dumb shit. When I hear the OMG my shit’s been stolen stories I want to qoute aloud from an old Point Blanks song what the cops and insurance people are thinking – What the hell did you expect?
Don’t Make Yourself a Victim.
We shoulda had that sign for our drummer who got the clap every time we played the Red Dog. Like it should have at least been on the coasters. And the dancers.