NVDT Random – SepScene Wrimo Last One – Redneck Hemingway

Wind’s Come Up Some

“Harper.” Dupree jumped down from the mud-caked high-rise pickup. “Figured I’d find you somewhere up in here.”

“Dupe. Pull up some bumper.”

“Truck’s awful clean.” Dupree put his palm on the hood. “Ain’t been here long, either.”

“Nope.”

“Square?” Dupree offered a crushed pack of Winstons.

“Gave ‘em up. Lent an all.”

“Lent’s some done, idn’t it?”

“Seems like.”

“Gettin’ a run up on the next one?”

“Never hurts to have a little banked. Just in case. Y’all didn’t go on an get bait, didja?”

“Got a feelin’. Stopped just shy a goin’ in.”

“Good. Hate it if you’d hadda dump a bucket a shiners on my account.”

“Wouldna been nothin’. Where was it you were at, again?

“Hadn’t said.”

“Then you’d best.”

“Microtel.”

“Damn, Harp. One by Love’s an the Mac-Donald’s? Out there on the by-pass?”

“Yep.”

“Straight?”

“Man… Damn. I tell ya what.”

“I heard that.” Dupree held out his Winston, let the breeze ash it. “Wind’s come up some.”

“Some. Could use us a little rain.”

“Not in this ‘un.”

“Prob’ly right.”

“You were sayin?”

“Said ‘I tell ya what’.”

“I hearrrrd that. Ol’ ‘What’ got a name?”

“Sure she has.”

“Secret a some kind?”

“Didn’t say I knew it.”

“Sheee-it, son. Your momma know how you come up?”

“Not less you done told her.”

“Not me. Somebody oughta.” Dupree stretched himself off the bumper. “Fine afternoon for it. Microtel an all. Some kinda ‘what’, huh?”

“Damn… I tell ya what…”

“I heard ya.” Dupree flicked the Winston butt at the lake, opened his pickup door. “We fishin’ t’morrow?”

“Reckon so.”

“Didn’t get ol’ ‘Damn… Tell ya what’s’ name or number, didja?”

“Nope.”

“Liar.”

Harper shook his head. “Man… Damn.”

“I heard that.” Dupree’s truck belched black diesel. He leaned out the window, smacked the door. “Harper. Nextime we’re not fishin’ an you’re holed up there down to the Microtel with a fresh shave, a clean truck an a girl ain’t got a name busy makin’ you stupid, call somebody?”

“Yep.” Harper unwound from his bumper, took a long look at the lake while Dupree spun his tires reversing up the gravelly shoal. “I tell ya what…”

 

Sketch from Harper, Jackie and the Microtel

Published by

Phil Huston

https://philh52.wordpress.com/

18 thoughts on “NVDT Random – SepScene Wrimo Last One – Redneck Hemingway”

    1. Well Pidgin, like Yoda and Bad Pirates, makes my head hurt, too. Patois, local color, that’s a real thing. Think two Okies, two Texans. Maybe Ardmore, Nacogdoches, Ten miles outside the World famous Collin Street Bakery Fruitcake capital of the world, Corsicana. Comin’ up I knowed me some a these fellas. Not to be facetious, I hear it, that’s it. Stand around that Love’s, or a Buckee’s, talk to the girl with the gum, tattoos and the left side of her top hangin’ off in the Microtel you’ll hear all you can stand. Ahhh…my life on the road. I once ate an Egg McMuffin standing on Cybil Shepard’s signature etched into the Mickey D’s sidewalk but try as I might Google can’t find it. I say that as Southren can be as funky as Cowboy and HIllbilly “Trumps” them all.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You know, the TV reporters interview people all the time who talk like this, or worse. Particularly after a tornado or a hurricane trash the trailer park or the Sheriff in some no population county finds some meth heads living in a barn way off the main drag who keep their kids in dog crates.

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    1. Thank you. That’s pretty much how I write. Characters talk. Then I go back and decorate the set, then I go back and whack half that. This time I left it spare. I rarely write as paragraph chunks or in the extemporaneous narrative way and go back through it. Dumping our brains on the page and fixing it is too much like work. That’s why I always say get out of the damn way and let the story tell itself.

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      1. Flannery O’Connor, for example, was very good at capturing people through dialogue (shhh she’s canceled, don’t tell on me) though there’s plenty of your dreaded scene-setting. Some people including yourself just have a superhuman ear for it.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I got popped by my first editor for “Yeah, that’s great, but where the hell are they?” I’ve been popped for spare narrative, but I’d rather read characters than have a bucolic postcard described to me which is what a LOT of authors do. I don’t mind a set up or a well drawn environment, enough to put me there. I do that when I’m not making a point. But the excessive local color, history, backstory dumps…whew. Guilty as charged for all of those but I’ve tried to overcome them.

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    1. People keep mentioning that and the real percentage of Hukt awn foniks is under 3% including certain contracted or combined words. Ya, y’all, ain’t are all in the Oxford dictionary. The other 97.7% is word choice, phrasing, and colloquial grammar. I call those “grammartizations.” Not pidgin, not inverted Yoda/wizard/troll talk, not ye olde bad pirate. Simple Americanese. It could be argued simple-minded Americanese. But if you read it closely it follows the rules of acceptable use of apostrophes, and colloquial grammar. With 9 or so exceptions such as ‘didja’ ‘idn’t’ ‘kinda’… out of a total of 374. Had I tagged and decorated it would have been 9 out of 1200. But the impact is the same. Funny, huh? I had a friend who could call chords out of thin air and I was writing this comp one day, driving everyone mad with repetition. He came in the next day and played the riff with these crazy chords and I said Mikey, WTF? And he said It’s your tune. I said how the hell did you hear that out of 1-4-5-1va freaking bar chords on keys? I showed him the riff. He said Man, how did I hear all that shit?
      So when you cut the cheese and the set decoration down to two dudes shootin’ it the “story”, the “vibe” is completely out of my hands and into the readers. What I was asking you to do. Not “Snows of Kilimanjaro” but “Hills Like White Elephants” without the set decoration. Force dialogue to put you somewhere with as little as possible, as believably as possible. With less than 3% foniks and tricks.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Me, either. I got feedback from outside and inside that was phonics and phonetically and I’m like, uh… There were a couple guys, one was supposed to go fishing and got sidetracked now, an I tell you what… You’d a thought ol’ Harp’d had his damn brain took out and carried over down to the Bubbles and Duds an rinse cycled a few times more’n uz required. So I did the math for myself. And you know how much I like that.

        Liked by 1 person

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