NVDT Random – Character Bullpen Series – The Kiamichi Oysters Boys

From The Lost Ogle

Cannibalistic Black Market Castrators Arrested In Eastern Oklahoma…

October 22, 2020

Here’s a story from Oklahoma that even Joe Exotic would think is nuts!

Earlier this week, the happily married couple pictured above – Bobby Lee Allen, 53, and Thomas Evans Gates, 42 – were arrested after they botched a “surgical procedure” at their makeshift black-market castration clinic located in the backwoods of eastern Oklahoma.

That sentence, on its own, is enough to make this story a typical “Only in Oklahoma” classic, but as you know, we’re in 2020, and nothing is typical anymore.

After interviewing the patient who voluntarily sought out the surgery, and following a search of the pair’s property, authorities discovered that Allen and Gates – who apparently ran their clinic under the online name “The Eunuch Maker” – allegedly saved the discarded body parts (a.k.a. testicles) of their patients/victims in a deep freezer for possible human consumption.

Yeah, that’s right. They would allegedly eat the discarded human testicles. In the eastern part of the state, I think they’re called Kiamichi Oysters.

If you’re that curious, details can be found at The Oklahoman

Need a Bag Lady with a pedigree?


Queen Isabella of Spain lived to be 50, but bathed only twice in her lifetime.

Paint Me a Picture

“Whatta they call you?”

“Queenie.”

“Well Queenie,” the cop said, trying to keep his nose upwind. “You can’t stay here so we have to take you in.”

“Not takin’ no goddam bath.”

“That’s fine.” The cop used a gloved hand to guide her head through the back door of the cruiser.

“Maybe the firehose for drunk tank control,” his partner suggested, fanning his nose.

“You want that runoff in the ground water? I mean think about it.”

His partner thought for a few seconds, blew lunch in the storm drain, stood up, wiped his chin with a paper napkin from the dash.

“Whatsa matter? Think too much about that runoff?”

“Don’t know why, but it just got too big in my mind.”

“Too big in your mind?”

“Yeah, you see somethin’ somebody says, and your brain adds shit to it.”

“My brain don’t add shit to –“

“You hosed down Queenie there in the drunk tank with all that puke and shit in there and somehow that went to… You ever pulled cottage cheese that’s been around too long outta the fridge, that stink it’s got goin’ everywhere, and gagged when you flushed it down your disposal with the sprayer? Yeah, now see? That’s the shit I’m talkin’ about. An it’s ridin’ in the back seat of our car.” He grabbed another napkin off the dash, handed it off. “Go ahead, I’ll wait.”

Published by

Phil Huston

https://philh52.wordpress.com/

11 thoughts on “NVDT Random – Character Bullpen Series – The Kiamichi Oysters Boys”

    1. I know. Right in there with Jag Booty and Wee Wee the lethal butt injectors! You can’t make this shit up. If you follow the Ogle link there’s pictures of their nutsack-fruit sausage machine!

      Liked by 1 person

    1. For some reason that Queen thing? Every disgusting hygiene joke since time began came flooding back. I had to do something. Plus there’s a writing exercise there about getting it out while staying out of the way.

      Like

  1. Two quotations jumped out at me:

    “I can’t say it’s cult activity,” the sheriff told reporters. “It is something that we have never in my career run across in this part of the country. It is borderline some type of activity. …” Ah, some type of activity.

    “They also face a misdemeanor count of failure to bury the removed parts.” So if you commit a crime, you must bury the evidence.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. If human behavior is a standard distribution, then the opposite end of this evidence must be some god-like intelligence delving into the fabric of the cosmos. Too bad we never hear about that stuff. (Or if we do, I suppose we dismiss it out-of-hand as even more audacious than this depravity.)

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.