Looney Lunes #162

Just When You Thought It Was Safe to Go Outside

WHAITEHAWK MAN FACES JAIL TERM AFTER DEFECATING ON SEAGULL IN REVENGE ATTACK Headline, The Brighton News, UK

Little birdie in the sky
Why’d you do that in my eye?
I’m not mad so I won’t cry
I’m just glad that cows don’t fly (or people…)

If they’d only misspelled FACES

Slow Night On Police Blotter Duty

MAN PUNCHES HIMSELF, CHARGED WITH ASSAULT Headline, Gallup Independent, New Mexico

Why? Because it felt so good when he stopped.

Looney Lunes #161

The Double-Edged Sword Episode

FORKLIFT OPERATOR – Whorehouse near Port of Tacoma is currently hiring FT forklift operators – The News Tribune, Tacoma, Washington

IVORY SATAN WEDDING GOWN – strapless, back buttons, size 10. Sparkly Vail, cleaned, $85 –  Classified Ad, Canton, Ohio

HANGING YOURSELF COULD BE PAINFULSO GET A PRO TO DO IT –  Headline in Florida Penny Saver

I have uploaded a short video about my small organ – E-Press release and header on YouTube video by a professional organ builder

Did you hear the one about the horny lady who went to church? She chased the preacher around the sanctuary until she caught him by the organ.

The sword’s other edge – These are why self-editing is so critical. I have read more meaningless or Freudian slips or blind eye publishing in the last week or so it’s crazy. I was victimized myself last week by an autocorrect dictionary that couldn’t decide between hangar and hanger. The moral is we need to read our stuff before hitting the publish button.

Looney Lunes #160 Rise Up, Wimmin 2 fer

Out Damned Spot!

In rural Nepal many families still practice Chhaupadi, a custom that requires all menstruating women to be banished to a small hut or shed for the duration of their period. They are not allowed to interact with or touch any male family members or livestock or enter the family home.

Nepalese men are lucky their women aren’t out in the barn sharpening knives. And pity the lonely fool with a couple of daughters, they all get in sync with mom. Unless it’s World Cup Week.

Yeah, Right, Babe. Sure Thing.

Back in the late 1800s a common argument against giving women the right to vote was that it would allow married men an unfair “extra” vote. As they would surely exercise their influence over their wives to vote alike!

It’s thinking like this that makes me want a word for Male Bimbo.

Looney Lunes # 160 – Rise Up, Women 2-Fer

Out Damned Spot!

In rural Nepal many families still practice Chhaupadi, a custom that requires all menstruating women to be banished to a small hut or shed for the duration of their period. They are not allowed to interact with or touch any male family members or livestock or enter the family home.

Nepalese men are lucky their women aren’t out in the barn sharpening knives. And pity the lonely fool with a couple of daughters, they all get in sync with mom. Unless it’s World Cup Week.

Yeah, Right, Babe. Sure Thing.

Back in the late 1800s a common argument against giving women the right to vote was that it would give married men an unfair “extra” vote. As they would surely exercise their influence over their wives to vote alike!

It’s thinking like this that makes me want a word for Male Bimbo.

Looney Lunes #158

And The New Slang Term For Politician is –

Jellyfish possess a single orifice that serves as both a mouth and an anus.

Looney Lunes #157 – Like, Uh…

“Something will pop up in my head. It could be like the weirdest thing. Like all’a sudden like I have a jumping banana in my head. And I stop and pause. I’m like that damn jumping banana is in my head. Like, I don’t know what’s going on.”

Swimmer Ryan Locthe – 12 time Olympic medal winner.

So, like when I get like major grief for like a Ford Scholarship ballet dancer who like drives too fast and like hates fishing but for real, with like, you know, some help from Jackson and like everybody at Peaches Garage welded up her own like totally stellar sounding cherry bomb glasspacks, you know, like I say, well, like being waaaaay good at something doesn’t like, you know, um, pre-clude a character from being, like, well, hip and talented and, umm…goofy. Like all rolled into the same character burrito.

Looney Lunes #156 – Open to Interpretation

This could go so many ways…

“Isn’t that sign an oxymoron? Or some form of heresy?”

“I dunno. But we have a pretty good selection of it.”

“?!”

 

Looney Lunes #157

This Just In –

These were making the rounds in email last week. We all know someone that subscribes to the news of the weird and forwards them…At least these are funny so I’ll tip my Point Cabrillo Lighthouse cap to an old high school friend – Brad Jernigan at JDC Drilling in OKC

I saved the two best for last –

All who labor to write fiction – we can’t make this stuff up. There is a very non PC short involving a 70s band on a TV stage, wanking away, nothing plugged in.

“Forget that stuff, man. For this gig tell the crew to leave the cables and the tuners in the truck.”

I mean, did the barbershop singers really sing?

 

 

Looney Lunes #156

This Just In –

Now, Spelling Bee Kids Will Have To Know Definations
Headline, AP Story

Number 7, please. Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious

Man Punches Himself, Charged With Assault
Headline, Gallup (New Mexico) Independent

Why? Because it feels so good when I stop.

Solid Waste To Be On Table For Discussion
Headline San Marcos (Texas) Daily Record

That’s either a meeting I can miss, or any number that I’ve attended.

Looney Lunes #151

If Medicare Fraud Isn’t Bad Enough –
Meet Obamacare for the Walking Dead

Have you ever been in an accident that resulted in your death.

___ Yes
___ No

No shit really –  this is (was) on the Healthcare.gov website when I checked it out.