Looney Lunes #156

This Just In –

Now, Spelling Bee Kids Will Have To Know Definations
Headline, AP Story

Number 7, please. Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious

Man Punches Himself, Charged With Assault
Headline, Gallup (New Mexico) Independent

Why? Because it feels so good when I stop.

Solid Waste To Be On Table For Discussion
Headline San Marcos (Texas) Daily Record

That’s either a meeting I can miss, or any number that I’ve attended.

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Looney Lunes #155

Titles and Headlines

I wonder, when I see things like this, if a LOT of thought went into them, or none. 

First of all, how cumbersome and uncomfortable!

WTF was AARP thinking?

Looney Lunes #154

Hollywood Blockbuster – The Death of Logic

If We Exhale More Than We Inhale We Feed The Plants. This Will End World Hunger.
tweet from actor Jaden Smith

So much for Newton’s Third Law.

I love them. Love them. I think the more positive approach you have to smoking, the less harmful it is.
Actress Sienna Miller

All you positivity MEME hounds? That is an example of what happens when the power of positive thinking is in the path of a rolling blackout.

Smoking kills. If you’re killed you’ve lost a very important part of your life.
Brooke Shields

Okay, maybe Brooke was a near death of logic experience.

Gambits #8

Death By Hygiene and What’s Good For You

The case for roll ons- In 1998 Jonathan Capewell, 16, died from a heart attack brought on by the buildup of butane and propane in the blood after excessive use of deodorant sprays. He was known for an obsession with personal hygiene. His blood level of butane was. 37 per litre, the same for propane. .1 per litre is fatal.

Ladies, if you want to off him for overuse of mismatched man whore products simply over pressurize his Right Guard.

There will be no commentary on how many in WalMart are highly unlikely to die this way.

Eat the Liver. It’s good for you.

Consuming even small amounts of Polar Bear liver can be fatal for humans. Polar Bears, like many arctic mammals livers, contain excessive amounts of vitamin A and can lead to acute hypervitaminosis A.

You know the person. The one your age who has 2% body fat, a weave, and brags about playing soccer with 20-somethings and offers to set you up on a regimen of his bucket a day of vitamins for slightly more per month than the lease on a Maserati?

Liver was a staple in school lunch cafeterias when I was young. I never participated. Keep your eyes peeled for that crazy cafeteria lady signing for a cooler packed in dry ice…If it’s not shrimp or crawfish stick with the green Jell-O full of banana slices.

 

 

 

 

Looney Lunes #153

Politi-Speak 101 – Smoke Screens and Nonsense

They had men’s underwear on for half price. I bought a bunch that was clearly too small for me and I find it difficult to sit for any length of time.
Canadian politician Pat Martin explains his absences from the House of Commons

No problem, Pat. They’ll be great for sexting raisin twin shots to your interns.

Tomorrow we begin a new tomorrow.
Mitt Romney on his last day campaigning for president

Good news there, Mitt. And the tomorrow after that? All provide an opportunity to keep spending those Zombie Campaign $.

FYI – They had dudes wearing mesh versions of the manties in the pic. I can see how they’d be convenient for a political smoke blown up the ass quickie but a real nightmare to sit around in all day…or tomorrow.

Gambits #7

Hey, Let’s Go To The Museum!

Body disposal 101 – The Smithsonian keeps an army of flesh eating beetles on staff. Their purpose? To strip any flesh remaining on skeletons before they go on display. Or anywhere else.

“Mummy!”

“Yes, I know, Norm. It’s a Mummy.”

“NO! IT’S MY MUMMY!”

“Mr. Bates, is there a problem?”

“No, little Norman here thinks every skeleton he sees is his Mummy. A Mummy, I mean. A Mummy.”

“Of course. After all it couldn’t be his Mummy, could it?”

No, no. She’s at home in her rocking chair, rotting, er, uh knitting away. Knitting. Away. Come along, Norm, let’s go look at the airplanes…”

 

 

 

 

Looney Lunes #152

No Wonder People Don’t Trust Cops

Eleven National City police officers were caught cheating on a promotion exam. However, no disciplinary action was taken against them, because they had not been specifically instructed not to cheat.
– The Los Angeles Times

So, specifically, there is no longer a moral ethic NOT to cheat? Has anyone told the Taxman?

POLICE BEGIN CAMPAIGN TO RUN DOWN JAYWALKERS
Headline, San Gabriel Valley Tribune

I guess it saves time writing them tickets. I wonder, can they “cheat” traffic laws to ding them?

Remember, when seconds count the police are only minutes away.