WHAITEHAWK MAN FACES JAIL TERM AFTER DEFECATING ON SEAGULL IN REVENGE ATTACK Headline, The Brighton News, UK
Little birdie in the sky
Why’d you do that in my eye?
I’m not mad so I won’t cry
I’m just glad that cows don’t fly (or people…)
If they’d only misspelled FACES
MAN PUNCHES HIMSELF, CHARGED WITH ASSAULT Headline, Gallup Independent, New Mexico
Why? Because it felt so good when he stopped.
FORKLIFT OPERATOR – Whorehouse near Port of Tacoma is currently hiring FT forklift operators – The News Tribune, Tacoma, Washington
IVORY SATAN WEDDING GOWN – strapless, back buttons, size 10. Sparkly Vail, cleaned, $85 – Classified Ad, Canton, Ohio
HANGING YOURSELF COULD BE PAINFULSO GET A PRO TO DO IT – Headline in Florida Penny Saver
I have uploaded a short video about my small organ – E-Press release and header on YouTube video by a professional organ builder
Did you hear the one about the horny lady who went to church? She chased the preacher around the sanctuary until she caught him by the organ.
The sword’s other edge – These are why self-editing is so critical. I have read more meaningless or Freudian slips or blind eye publishing in the last week or so it’s crazy. I was victimized myself last week by an autocorrect dictionary that couldn’t decide between hangar and hanger. The moral is we need to read our stuff before hitting the publish button.
In rural Nepal many families still practice Chhaupadi, a custom that requires all menstruating women to be banished to a small hut or shed for the duration of their period. They are not allowed to interact with or touch any male family members or livestock or enter the family home.
Nepalese men are lucky their women aren’t out in the barn sharpening knives. And pity the lonely fool with a couple of daughters, they all get in sync with mom. Unless it’s World Cup Week.
Back in the late 1800s a common argument against giving women the right to vote was that it would allow married men an unfair “extra” vote. As they would surely exercise their influence over their wives to vote alike!
It’s thinking like this that makes me want a word for Male Bimbo.
How you know West Virginia is nearby.
In the Grimm’s Fairy Tales version of “Cinderella,” in an attempt to fool the prince the evil stepsisters cut off parts of their feet to fit into the glass slipper. It didn’t work.
Nobody said getting the Princess gig was going to be easy…
Dr. Seuss’s wife committed suicide after she discovered he was having an affair with a close family friend.
Having cancer and other health issues didn’t help…
Jellyfish possess a single orifice that serves as both a mouth and an anus.
“Something will pop up in my head. It could be like the weirdest thing. Like all’a sudden like I have a jumping banana in my head. And I stop and pause. I’m like that damn jumping banana is in my head. Like, I don’t know what’s going on.”
Swimmer Ryan Locthe – 12 time Olympic medal winner.
So, like when I get like major grief for like a Ford Scholarship ballet dancer who like drives too fast and like hates fishing but for real, with like, you know, some help from Jackson and like everybody at Peaches Garage welded up her own like totally stellar sounding cherry bomb glasspacks, you know, like I say, well, like being waaaaay good at something doesn’t like, you know, um, pre-clude a character from being, like, well, hip and talented and, umm…goofy. Like all rolled into the same character burrito.
“Isn’t that sign an oxymoron? Or some form of heresy?”
“I dunno. But we have a pretty good selection of it.”
“?!”
