NVDT RANDOM – The Gobbledygook Series

Another Nonsensetences Episode

I thought I’d better post something before I forgot how.

A week or so ago, BeetleyPete posted about the Oxford (or list) comma. Depending on which “standard” grammatical style you subscribe to, the Oxford comma may or may not be familiar. Or, if, like many, you choose a cafeteria style approach to punctuation, it may be of little use to bother with “proper” punctuation. I’m no grammar Nazi, so my comment on the sentence in question was more along the line of don’t write shit sentences and the list comma won’t matter whether it’s part of your grammar religion or not. Because in my mind, the comma is a timing device first and a “yield” or “next” sign somewhere down the line. The sentence in question –

We invited the rhinoceri, Washington, and Lincoln. (Oxford comma version) To me, with or without the “list” comma, it’s still a shit sentence. If you followed the link, you noticed the graphic, which didn’t help matters. With or without the Oxford comma, both versions come across as Washington and Lincoln the rhinoceri. If it sucks, rewrite it. On that note, here are a few squinting modifiers, metaphor/simile mismatches or other unintentional (I hope) brain squeeze misdirect gems.

Edging kit around bird area. It gave a finished look in my stoned flower bed. – From the neighborhood app. Good to know if you have trouble keeping your garden looking good no matter how high it is.

It’s nerve curdling – MSNBC host Rachel Maddow. It could have been blood wracking, right?

Japan’s likely new prime minister, Britney Spears back in court and more – AP News Headline on Amazon. Nice to see Free Britney taking her shtick into politics where lunacy and questionable behavior rule. And no way an Oxford comma fixes that one.

Police arrest owner of warehouse that exploded at airport with one-way ticket – NBC News Headline. Where was the warehouse going, I wonder? I mean, before it blew up.

I have nothing against football. It just seems very wasteful losing two hours of my life watching 22 millionaires on TV chasing a bag full of wind in their underwear.– Guy Martin. Again, from a MEME on BeetleyPete. Don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t want to chase a bag full of wind around inside anyone’s underwear.

During the eclipse, Dog should not be outside to protect their eyes, nor should people – Advice posted on Neighborhood App. Uh, good to know? I guess?

The Egyptians built the pyramids in the shape of a huge triangular cube – From a college level history paper, written by an engineering major. These people graduate. Scared yet?

We are up to like seven or eight horseman of the alpaca lips yo I’m ready for a break.– Posted on X – by someone rich and famous. Imagine that. These people vote. Scared yet?

The owners treated their employees like crab. No one knew anything about the closing. They basically said you lost your jobs that day get out – Posted on X – about a coffee shop locking the doors without notice. I don’t understand. How did they treat their crabs? (No medication jokes)

I had a paragraph length piece of WTF, but this has run long enough. I leave you with the Platinum Headscratcher Award Winner –

Policeman loses nose in circumcision ceremony – AP Wire Headline.

Published by

Phil Huston

https://philh52.wordpress.com/

34 thoughts on “NVDT RANDOM – The Gobbledygook Series”

  2. I have always used the Oxford comma because some scary third grade nun led me to believe it was not up for debate. But I finally gave up typing two spaces after a period that ends a sentence. I would run around in anyone’s underwear if the other choice was streaking around in the nude!

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  4. Some good examples, Phil. Perhaps I should post about unnecessary apostrophes next? They are the curse of shop signs in the UK. (Video’s, Sandwich’s, Plum’s, Ice Cream’s, and so on…)

    Best wishes, Pete.

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    1. My wife just showed me one where the major things on offer from a shop were possessive. Shoe’s, Dress’s, Appliance’s… I saw just yesterday walking through the big home store (Lowes, which should have an apostrophe) where several signs indicated Big Discount’s on Washer Dryer Combo’s. Select Samsung’s, LG’s and Whirlpool’s 35% off. There are debates on the internet among supposedly learned people who say throw them away. The same with quotation marks. Arrrrrrrgggghhhhh!

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  6. This was a great post. I read a lot of Stephen King so I’m used to wonky commas and sentence fragments. It’s how he makes his music and he’s a virtuoso.
    I also think of the comma as a timing device and I’m reasonably tolerant of its misuse, intentional or otherwise. There are a couple things I think of as bad form or, worse than that, the work of someone who doesn’t know what they are doing.
    I’m being really self-conscious right now, I will admit, so this a bit more picky than something I might otherwise put out.
    I generally think of my blog writing style as conversational and sometimes it looks and reads a little sloppy. If I’m writing a piece of business correspondence, that’s going to be as clean as I can get it. I once wrote an introduction to a play for our local theatre group and that was all artistic license, indecent liberties, whatever it took to deliver the goods. Now let’s scrub the laundry list, shall we?
    Policeman loses nose in circumcision ceremony: O mighty Yahweh, most merciful, please let this be a typo.
    The owners treated their employees like crab. No one knew anything about the closing. They basically said you lost your jobs that day get out

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    1. But the period and the sentence structure make the whole thing two paragraphs. There is no continuity glue. My posts are conversational when they’re jive posts like this, but I still try to clean them up, as far as logic and structure are concerned. I agree with King, Elmore Leonard and all the rest who reject what we learned in English class to interfere with the story. Proper is proper in its proper place, if you get what I mean. As for the play introduction form, look no further than Shakespeare’s Henry the Fifth. But you have to do it with balls. No one likes a shuffle footed shoegaze “Uh, hope you, uh like, the uh, show.”🤣

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      2. You sitting down? OK. Good reply and what you said about conversational posts is good advice for me. As a rule I edit on the fly, which can be a mistake. You use the word “jive” which earns you five “Free the language” points. I think of my own Jive posts as throwaways but maybe I should not. Thanks again.
        P.S. Is that your keyboard rig? I read your profile and saw that you were with Sequential circuits. You got a Prophet 5 in there somewhere?

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        1. That was before the Prophet 5. Dave was still in the programmer and sequencer business in 77. That was the front of my U. To the right a PolyMoog under a Mini with a ribbon controller and Sample and Hold. On the left a Clavinette C, the one with only two switches I bought from a retiring keyboard player in Oklahoma City who was on the way to sell it for nothing to Rock World Music. I gave him $75 and ate rice for a couple of weeks after. In top of that was an ARP 2600. I was never an ARP fan but it got left at an outdoor gig at a race track. Nobody claimed it after two weeks so the track owner called and said “it’s yours”. The PITA Taurus pedals were up by the console.
          About the conversational thing – there’s nothing wrong with a relaxed tone. But it’s never a reason to relax on the things that matter, Like logic and spelling. Because it has your name on it. However that comes from years of creative for $ and clinician work so take it with a grain of salt.

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            1. That was a long time ago. We all lugged more ‘stuff’ around than the money we made carrying it. I played an upstairs bar in Stillwater, OK with a B3. Narrow stairs. I sold it the next week. I also lugged a Yamaha U1D upright around for about 5 years. Nope. The scary thing is the gear available today? I have better stuff on my phone than in three racks the size of refrigerators🤣

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          2. My hands shake sometimes and I hit the wrong button. Onward. A PRS, a D’Angelico acoustic and one I built myself.
            About the conversational thing- I have written better and I should write better now. I want to sincerely thank you for tightening me up on this matter. Laters.

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            1. I’m no clam nazi. I’m in favor of best foot forward. Again, tone has its place. Adverbs work great for Brit comedies of manners, but not noir🤣 my job was musos, tone the subject of many conversations. It depends on what you’re trying to say and not screwing it up in the process. Which is why god invented frets, bendable strings and pitch wheels.

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    1. It would be wise to discover who or what is laughing your butt off, or if it’s a natural byproduct of my rare and often pointless posts. I’m keen on logic flying birds in roller skates.

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      1. There it goes again! I’m going to duct tape that rascally behind on so I don’t lose it. Your humor is first class and well applied to the subjects of the day. I think I learn better while smiling. I do pause during snort laughing episodes.

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  10. Alpaca Lips Now! Hey, don’t spit at me, I’m just here for the Ed Shearing. “Ed?” He’s the alpaca. What do you mean they don’t spit? Llamas spit? What am I gonna do with llama lips? Oh, llama lamp, all that goop glowing in the dark. That shit radioactive? You know, from the vicuna vagina? What a wonderful phrase…

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    1. I knew you’d like the Alpaca Lips. I don’t know if lava lamps are radioactive. If they are, I’m cooked. I showed up once for a George Shearing. They asked me was I professional, I said no, Then leave your clippers at the door. Why? He’s blind? Yeah, but not everybody else is.

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