NVDT RANDOM – The Gobbledygook Series

Nonsensetences – Born Under a Bad Sign Issue

GET BEHIND ME, SATIN – Church Sign in Racine, Wisconsin. Like Haiku. So much fertile imagination ground in so few words.

QUIET PLEASE! MEATING IN PROGRESS – Conference room door sign, Dallas, Texas. I was there. All I’ll say is read your insurance policy carefully and hope a marketing intern and not an underwriter wrote it.

MISSALANIS CLOTHING – Salvation Army, Des Moines, Iowa. Or as an anchor intern at our local Fox affiliate called it, Dez Moin-ez. It must be nice to be worthy of your own style section at The Sally.

METH BIBLE CAMP – Road sign Blountville, Tennessee. Then again, considering location, maybe it’s not an abbreviation.

BEST BY FEB 30 – On a container of mom and pop small batch organic milk. I couldn’t find a way to editorialize this one without going way non-PC.

CHURCH OF THE CROSS  DON’T LET WORRIES KILL YOU LET THE CHURCH HELP – Road sign in Ohio. Jack Kevorkian, Pastor.

PASSENGERS ARE REQUIRED TO ENTER WITH A VALID BOARDING PASS, OTHERWISE THEY WILL BE SUBJECT TO DISPOSAL ACCORDING TO RELEVANT LAWS -Beijing Capital Airport. This one gets both the bad sign and bad sentence awards.

MAJOR ACCIDENT LEFT LANES CLOSED USE LEFT LANE -Traffic sign, Toronto, Canada. Maybe it’s a lingering hangover from being a colony of a country that drives on the wrong side of the road.

I have so many of these I’ll cut this post short with an admonition to pay careful attention to the hotel menu items next time you’re in Hanoi. No Hanoi Hilton or Jane Fonda jokes.

  • CONCRETE LEMON GARLIC
  • CONCRETE BARBECUE SAUCE
  • ASS TUNNEL TAIL CEMENT
  • CONCRETE RIB ROAST WITH SALE AND CHILLI

Published by

Phil Huston

https://philh52.wordpress.com/

18 thoughts on “NVDT RANDOM – The Gobbledygook Series”

  4. That portmanteau deserves a round of applause. Thank gourd I didn’t have to say it out loud!
    And with that, my personal favorite signage malaprop:
    “Be right back. Sorry for the incontinence.”
    This was on the door to my Seattle condo’s lobby when it was still selling units after being converted from apartments to condos at the turn of the century. The selling agent had taken a couple on a tour and this was her sign to let any other prospective buyers know she’d be right back…seems like someone you’d gladly trust with ~$300k of your hard-earned.

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    1. I’m not sure. I gave up sometime in season 2. After it turned into an excuse to keep the screenwriters in jobs. Like Justified after Elmore passed. No rudder. You know those big plastic things in some stores, you drop a coin and it runs around in circles until it runs out of tube and always overshoots the little target bucket? The universe is full of two season shows that go on for five. Or no season worth that go on for 12🤣

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  7. Great stuff, except for the ‘wrong side of the road’. You know it’s everyone else that drives on the wrong side, except for the countries that saw sense and remained on the left, probably because they admired Britain so much. 😉🚗

    Best wishes, Pete.

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  8. You ever notice how elevated mirth emanates through uncontrollable outbursts laughter? I might be trying to silently read something, anything, a NVDT post even, and with an unstoppable outburst, I chuckle. Or guffaw, or snort, perhaps.
    Can’t be helped.
    I can control all of my other reactions, admiration, indignation, horror, or disgust — just not laughter.
    I wonder why that is?

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