Looney Lunes #109

Lost in Translation

Most states require that all requests for a change to an insurance policy be made in writing. The following is an actual communication between a customer and insurance agent.

“Hey Victor! stop please this police, it”s car is sold!!!!”

Looney Lunes #107

Don’t Bother Praying in Coach

The Lord may travel in mysterious ways, but his “messsengers'” travel like oil company execs and politicians.

 

Think about this before you throw another dollar at man-made salvation, and then double that dollar and donate it to a local food bank, women’s shelter or charitable religious organization (that you know does some good) of your choice. Please, don’t buy these self aggrandizing airbags a bigger plane.

Thanks to JTK

Looney Lunes #106

Good News, Right?

RAND PAUL OPPOSES A ONE-SIZE-FITS-ALL APPROACH TO EDUCTATION

on the Rand Paul for President website

Maybe it wasn’t a staffer. Maybe he outsourced his website maintenance to the same people who write operation manuals for ceiling fans and Blu-Ray players and answer the phone for your cable company. Or…Oh. My. God. The Russians hacked his website!

Looney Lunes #105

YOU’RE A VERY NAUGHTY SALAD!

HOME AND GARDEN CALENDAR – Fort Collins, CO

Today!

From the Garden to the Table

FREE: 1.P.M., Gulley Greenhouse, 6029 S. Shields St., Fort Collins

Nancy Brown will demonstrate how to make a delicious Gestapo with herbs and veggies from your own garden.

Exactly what we need. Delicious Gestapo.

 

Looney Lunes #104

Why he gets the big bucks

“There’s no chance that the iPhone is going to get any significant market share. No chance. It’s a $500 subsidized item.”

Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer

What the hell is on their resume that gets these guys get their jobs?

 

Looney Lunes #103

And he looks like such a nice dog…

Not enough victims for your last catastrophe? Call the Collin County Assistant DA. She and the dog will hook you up. (Doesn’t anyone proof-read anymore?)

Vinyl Wallet

I am constantly being reminded here in the blogosphere that it is Mental Health Month. I found the first part of this, originally written in 1976. Yes, it’s sophomoric. I added the last bit today. Help people if you can. Early. Or someone buries them. Early.

A boy married young
Rebelled against the norm
In his desire to be different
He kicked up quite a shit storm
Her parents were wealthy
Considered him beneath their station
They honeymooned in Hawaii
He was supposed to find work but
They got high and it was simply an extended vacation

They sold clothes and pianos, waited tables, built houses
Those were a bomb
They pulled an acre of thorny grapevine down
Burned it for her Mom
Her Mother paid to keep them eating,
Sheltered and alive
They laughed and partied
Spent mom’s money
Ignored her father’s sermons and jive

That first Christmas
Her parents gave him
A vinyl wallet
Gramma and the sisters, old Aunt Helen
They all laughed, agreed
Said out loud that was all he’d ever need
That was the last Holiday
He’d drop spaghetti on their oriental rug
Mom made sure they were done
With no more than a shrug

He was forty minutes North
Forty years away
When he learned their daughter blew her brains out
Livin’ in a postcard just south of L.A.
Didn’t matter who it was
Or what theirs was made of
Did it
Come end of that day

R.I.P. Deborah Eloise Kendall-Juette
10.12.1953 – 5.4.2004
Too many senseless decisions are made with alcohol and a hand gun. Do your best to keep them away from people looking for the wrong answer.